The Cold Shoulder

the cold shoulder

Letter Series Chapter 3: Creamy Cravings

Dear Ice Cream Truck Driver,

Stop trying to sabotage my attempt at living a, “Fit & healthy,” “ Strong is the new skinny,” “Dairy & processed sugar free,” life! Why do you have such a knack for creeping by my window and playing your seductive tune right after my workout? As I sip my raw, vegan protein shake I can almost taste every one of your creamy treasures and feel the melting love juice dripping down the corner of my chin…

I mean what kind of person doesn’t like ice cream? Something has to seriously, be wrong with you!

Ice cream generates instant smiles and brings us all back to our childhood and a time of simple, pure happiness. With so many flavours to choose from,  you’re bound to find the one that with each extra lick helps to dissolve all of your deepest, darkest sorrows…

I know I’m not the only one who has cried herself right to the bottom of an empty ice cream tub after a bad breakup?! Who hasn’t savoured a little après fête ice cream cake slathered all over their lover’s nether regions? If by slim chance you haven’t tried this please do pencil it in a.s.a.p, it’s sticky fun for everyone! I would much rather pour some nice prosecco down your vaj, but variety is what keeps things interesting. 😉

Why does ice cream have the power to make us crave it as soon as we see someone else enjoying some? Does kale have that effect? When you see someone eating a kale salad are you all like,

Wow, I really want some kale!”

Maybe what we need is a little more ice cream in our lives. Ice cream that we just lick and enjoy without worrying about sugar and fat content or calorie count or how much we should run on the treadmill to work off the icy delight the next day.

I propose the adult version of an Ice Cream Truck, the “Margarita Van.” I was going to say, “Marijuana” but decided to stick with, “Margarita.”

Cue Fergie’s, “M.I.L.F. $” Song…

Yes! That is the soundtrack playing in the background while all the happy adults walk, run, skip and traipse their way to the Margarita Van! Can’t you just picture it?

Now, how do I get one of those to drive through my neighbourhood…

F.

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