Condo Erection

condo-erection 

My attention lingers on the view outside where a bit of modern magic is taking place. A high-rise condo is in what seems to be its final stages of construction and we’ve shared every complicated step.

I have often found myself thinking, “Wow Buddy, your balls are definitely bigger than mine!” In response to work conditions that had to be breaking safety codes somewhere and required extended periods of time out in our beloved Canadian winter temperatures.

There used to be nothing right in that spot and now there is a large tower made of cement, metal and glass. It’s like watching experimental dance…

This guy on this side is doing the exact same thing as the other guy all the way on the opposite side of the building and they can’t even see or speak to each other. They might be working at a different pace but they are still making the same exact movements and motions together, at the same time. They are connected, working toward an ultimate goal, possibly never even having met. 

The road may be long, but perseverance and hard work gets the job done.

What kind of moments will take place between these newly fabricated pristine walls? Too much to try to imagine. A clean slate, a new beginning, the possibilities are endless…

We are all under construction. Transforming, changing, hopefully moving forward while the broken parts and scabs have a chance to heal.

Letting go of old routines or patterns, retraining thought processes that no longer serve your greater good. Keeping on the path that leads to realizing your dreams, once you figure out what the fuck your true dreams actually are.

Yesterday, I prematurely went for a run with a bandaged, injured foot. Being mildly addicted to my workouts, I wasn’t going to let anything delay progress.

“Well hello masochistic side of myself, nice to finally meet you! I have been waiting impatiently to be introduced. I always knew you were standing there at the other end of the room, but I wasn’t quite ready to face you just yet.”

The road may be long… soon even this broken part will heal.

F.

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Caution: Disturbing Content

evil-vet

This man needs to be stopped!!

Dr. Mahavir Singh Rekhi is a low form of evil.

He preys on living creatures weaker than he is, who have come to him for help and to be healed.

My heart is racing as I write…What do we do about this?

No one can ever take their animal to his practise or leave a pet in his care again!

He took an oath to protect animals and cannot receive some laughable mild punishment. If he gets away with this, we are handing over the possibility of ever living in a society that values truth.

We will be standing by, while those that claim to heal and protect us violently harm members of our family.

First with the possible mass killing of dogs in Montreal simply because of their breed, now THIS!

Make me proud to be Canadian again and take better care of our animals.

Please Sign this Petition & Share!

F.

The Cold Shoulder

the cold shoulder

Letter Series Chapter 3: Creamy Cravings

Dear Ice Cream Truck Driver,

Stop trying to sabotage my attempt at living a, “Fit & healthy,” “ Strong is the new skinny,” “Dairy & processed sugar free,” life! Why do you have such a knack for creeping by my window and playing your seductive tune right after my workout? As I sip my raw, vegan protein shake I can almost taste every one of your creamy treasures and feel the melting love juice dripping down the corner of my chin…

I mean what kind of person doesn’t like ice cream? Something has to seriously, be wrong with you!

Ice cream generates instant smiles and brings us all back to our childhood and a time of simple, pure happiness. With so many flavours to choose from,  you’re bound to find the one that with each extra lick helps to dissolve all of your deepest, darkest sorrows…

I know I’m not the only one who has cried herself right to the bottom of an empty ice cream tub after a bad breakup?! Who hasn’t savoured a little après fête ice cream cake slathered all over their lover’s nether regions? If by slim chance you haven’t tried this please do pencil it in a.s.a.p, it’s sticky fun for everyone! I would much rather pour some nice prosecco down your vaj, but variety is what keeps things interesting. 😉

Why does ice cream have the power to make us crave it as soon as we see someone else enjoying some? Does kale have that effect? When you see someone eating a kale salad are you all like,

Wow, I really want some kale!”

Maybe what we need is a little more ice cream in our lives. Ice cream that we just lick and enjoy without worrying about sugar and fat content or calorie count or how much we should run on the treadmill to work off the icy delight the next day.

I propose the adult version of an Ice Cream Truck, the “Margarita Van.” I was going to say, “Marijuana” but decided to stick with, “Margarita.”

Cue Fergie’s, “M.I.L.F. $” Song…

Yes! That is the soundtrack playing in the background while all the happy adults walk, run, skip and traipse their way to the Margarita Van! Can’t you just picture it?

Now, how do I get one of those to drive through my neighbourhood…

F.

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Trash to Treasure

Garbage

Garbage. One simple, nasty word that can be applied to so many things these days…

The inescapable epidemic of violence, American politics, the web of lies that both the pharmaceutical and advertising industries weave, or the nutrient lacking mountain of chemicals we refer to as our food supply. ALL GARBAGE.

“Poverty is the worst form of violence.” Mahatma Gandhi

One of the views from our Toronto high rise displays the lack of balance in our world. Day after day those that have nothing search through the garbage of those that have too much. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure, literally. Poverty or suffering without one’s basic human needs being met is a timeless, universal problem. One that we have obviously no interest in solving.

Where is the balance?

Maybe it’s trapped at the bottom of that stuffed to capacity garbage bin. Under the old stuff I got rid of because I bought some new stuff or the extra stuff I had for a while that I wasn’t using or the stuff I bought on sale even though I already had the same stuff at home…BALANCE.

Most of us can’t even wrap our heads around any reality that is too far removed from our perfect, disconnected, selfish lives. Isn’t posting something on social media proactive? Fuck social media, fuck the little cocoons we build around ourselves while we stare at the flickering blue screens on our cell phones. I dare you just for a moment, to truthfully imagine this:

Once upon a time,

You own and have absolutely nothing. Everything you eat is either a hand out or comes from what you can find in someone else’s garbage. You have nowhere to sleep tonight and every other night…The End

F.

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Recipes of Love

Nonna

Letters Series Chapter 2: Letter to Nonna’s Grave

Dear Nonna,

You were missed this past easter. More specifically, I missed your tough baker’s hands and my ultimate favourite indulgence, Calzone di cipolla, heavenly onion pie. I never appreciated enough when you were alive how important upholding these traditions were. I wish I would have taken the time to learn more about some of these recipes.

Magic ingredients you used to craft taste sensations year after year with your skilled hands. Into your eighties, upper body rounded over a countertop, you kept up with the back breaking work making batch after batch of enough food to feed a small army.

I’m not sure now, how much we really knew about you. Obviously quite strong, you moved oceans away from home to a country where everyone spoke a different language. Leaving one place, following the hope of a better life somewhere in the unknown.

Your smile always seemed at it’s brightest, in pictures when you went back to visit. Did you ever really want to move?

Like a fragile leaf, torn and broken on your knees, you screamed the name of your beloved dead son…

Only as we were loosing you in the hospital, did this intense vulnerability appear again. With heavy breath, time and the world stopped because nothing else mattered. Cold room warmed by loving hands. Trembling hands held still, questioning hands reassured by prayer, dying hands waving goodbye to hands holding on tightly for one last time.

I hope we were able to bring you some comfort and that you knew you were cared for and loved. Now your spirit lives on in eternal peace, never having to feel loss or be physically slowed down by aches and pains, when it yearns to remain active and free. You are free now Nonna, free from anything that ever stopped you from having that big bright smile on your face all the time.

Love,

your granddaughter

F.

 

Spanked: A unicorn’s story

 

pete 1

Letters Series Chapter 1: Meet Pete

From Matilda to her unicorn Pete:

I have offended you my precious and for this I am truly sorry. Please let me softly whisper secrets one more time in your cute little fluffy ear! Remember, it’s you and me against the world sweet cheeks and nothing in this great big crazy world could ever change that.

Spanking you on the bus was just something that had to be done and there was no avoiding it. How many times have we had the talk about things that are appropriate when we are in public and how we spend our time when it’s just the two of us at home in the big marble castle?

I don’t enjoy humiliating you, especially so close to our wedding anniversary. ❤ ❤ ❤

Oh don’t look at me like that with those irresistible big, shiny eyes. I am trying to make a good impression on the other members of the royal kingdom. When one laughs alone to themselves it might give strangers an indication of, a few screws loose or something missing upstairs. I cannot encourage this kind of first impression.

When I pull you out of my purse and we are anywhere but our private quarters, be the jewel at my side that only makes me appear to shine even brighter in the afternoon’s warm sunlight!

You must not point and snicker at people on the bus even if they smell, are fat or have absolutely no sense of fashion. Not all of God’s creatures can be as color coordinated and adorable as you are, my love. Compliments aside I will raise my hand to your behind again if I need to.

Signed with love & longing…

Matilda Queen of the Universe. xxx

P.S. I have laid your pajama out on the couch. I need a bit of time alone to get my head straight.

P.P.S. Don’t try to win me back by doing that, thing you do. I’m officially immune to your advances.

From Pete to Matilda Queen of the Universe:

Touché my dear, touché. I am guilty and therefore deserve any form of abuse you may see fit. I often find myself thinking about how much better I am than everyone else which unfortunately provokes inappropriate laughter in public. Why should I mute any part of myself just to be socially acceptable in a clearly corrupt society?

While we are on the topic of keeping up appearances, a little eyeliner would be a good idea. If I can find a way to look this cute in every type of lighting, you can invest in some long-wear lipstick to spice up our sex life.  I’d die to see how long it will take to wipe those red rings off my privates…

See what you do to me? Now I’m all riled up on the bus and you’re not even here so I could do something about it. All I have to distract me is the overwhelming stench of body odour and I think someone shit themselves – I can’t tell which direction the smell is coming from…The subway is delayed again & this bitch is due for a caffeine fix.  It’s about to get nasty in here!

A fat woman, who clearly doesn’t own a mirror, keeps pushing me and playing with her phone. If I don’t ever see you again because she fell and I got crushed, remember you, my little skin tag, were roughly the best samba under the sheets I ever had. Shave your mustache and get that ass in the air baby, papa’s throwing down some old people and coming straight home.

Pete

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F.

 

The Beautiful People

Dangerously walked into Sephora today with no makeup on…

As I had suspected, several over done little helpers quickly made their way in my direction, ready to provide solutions to all the important problems in the world.

I was obviously visiting the store today because I urgently needed to replace the 10 plus pretty bottles of crap some women and men feel the need to slather themselves in before leaving the house. Moisturizer, primer, concealer, highlighter, eyeliner…& the list continues.

If you’re smart, a BB or CC cream is your top coat of choice and you just saved yourself a few minutes! This high tech substance in a tube takes care of not one but 3 of these mandatory rituals.

I am a newbie to the primer “gang”. Frankly, I’m quite impressed with how eerily well it can hold makeup in place. You can do anything and it will not move. Long day at work, public transport in Canadian weather, workout hard enough to make you vomit, filthy sex…

Eyeliner check = still absolutely unnecessary. These humble activities are no match for your Primer Power! Perfect makeup forever, even if you want to take it off its alive and it tries to stop you!

Gone are the days when I had to worry my eyeliner was making me look like Marilyn Manson. Now I know every eyelash is always in just the right place.

 Beauty can be natural even if that concept feels far off somewhere in the distance. Going against professional advice, I refuse to use a brow kit to perfect my eyebrows. It’s a feeble attempt to leave one feature without cosmetic improvement because Drag Queens are the only ones who look good with that much stuff on their faces.

It’s really ok not to enhance and correct every detail. Flaws are not failure; they are what make us individuals. Let’s give the world a chance to see our beauty; it might be trapped under a few layers of insecurity & ugliness.

F.

What do you think? Does the cosmetic industry prey on people’s insecurities and offer expensive solutions to imaginary problems?

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PIC 2 FINAL

Mental Illness: Breaking the Silence

The big, puffy dark cloud that is mental illness has a much thicker outline during the bitter cold winter months. Have you noticed anyone in your path that looked like they could really use a hug today? Maybe even just a reassuring nod or a quick hello?

You never know when you could be someone’s last chance. Someone’s last chance at trying, someone’s last sliver of hope, someone’s very last attempt at not giving up, forever.

Without the freedom to roam about that the warm weather brings, you’ll notice an accumulation of lost souls repetitively riding public transportation or setting up shop in dark corners of malls that are open late and that have security guards kind enough to pretend they don’t notice.

Save me,” you thought you heard someone whisper, but it isn’t your problem and you have enough stuff to do today.

No one could ever say that Robin Williams died in vain. His genius and the fact that he was so well respected enabled us all to begin a conversation about something that can’t help but remain a dirty little secret.

Recently everyone looks like they are battling their day, as if through mounds of heavy mud. The mud surrounds them in all directions as they take turns which way to fall, each time waiting a bit longer for someone to catch them or at least lean over to help them up.

In the name of avoiding discomfort we commonly try to deal with mental illness only from a safe distance. We tell ourselves that, “Crazy” is some eccentric stranger on a street corner deeply enthralled in a conversation with themselves.

It’s time to break the silence; these lonely ships shouldn’t have to sail in treacherous waters alone.

F.

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DSC02197

China’s Forbidden Menu

The tiniest little star made a sparkling appearance in the smog filled Beijing sky tonight, and I made a wish…Most nights the thick cloud that envelops this city makes it near impossible to see any kind of cosmic activity. Beijing shines however in its own way. Standing on many of the streets and curved tiny alleyways you instantly time travel to a mysterious era filled with elaborate artwork, intricately designed architecture and regal costumes. In a fleeting moment, your eyes seem to catch a glimpse of the bravest warrior or the most powerful emperor whose spirits still rest in this marvellously complex place, you blink and the image evaporates into the smog. What has China been like? This last month described in one word would be, overwhelming.  Moments of complete opposition, feeling like a celebrity to nonexistent in a single day. Celebrity status is not something I have ever wanted to attain, and now I have confirmed this. On various occasions when people have asked to have their picture taken with us I wanted to crawl into the nearest hole. It felt beyond weird. At times I have been B.’s accessory, treated with not that much more importance than the wristwatch he was wearing. After fighting so hard for my strength and independence, having to take a step back in the name of a different culture was a little bit difficult, but I did it. China can be as abrasive as a rough piece of sandpaper on baby soft skin. Hoards and hoards of people make for a whole lotta noise, noise, NOISE! Take all of the manners that your parents taught you and throw them swiftly out the closest window. Are we too uptight? Do we spend our time concerned with offending everyone around us? Do we supress just being ourselves for the sake of not stepping on someone else’s toes? No one seems to EVER use their inside voice here. Every laugh, yawn, cough and sigh is the loudest it can possibly be.  At all hours on the train or bus people are singing, chatting on the phone, & playing music all at the highest volume. There are no rules when it comes to food, absolutely none. Any kind of consumption is a slurping, crunching and sucking fest that you could probably hear from a few blocks away. I have even started slurping my noodles, 1) to feel like I fit in a little bit and 2) because my chopstick skills are not that great, and it’s just easier to eat them that way. It does feel quite liberating. Are we uptight? I would have to say a definite maybe. For the Beijing Olympics, a lot of restaurants got their menus translated into English. The following are examples that the restaurant owners should have checked the translators c.v’s a little more carefully. See if you can figure out what these menu items are because we sure weren’t able to, but we got a really good laugh out of trying! “Let clothes plain boiled pork cool”, “Drunk fish of grandma does”, “Dish of sesame oil connected through one’s female relatives”, “Fry ball with no result”, “Big bowls grow a kidney bean”, “Pair of private taste bean curds”, “All rough blood of frog is flourishing”, “Blow up hairtail with no result”, “Field three are fresh”, “Burn the mustard orchid vainly”, and last but not least, what would any Asian meal be without a generous portion of “Stir-fry kid for a short time”. This trip is changing me. I am becoming a more tolerant human being. I can tolerate more noise, filth, discomfort, physical pain, foul smells, and insecurity than ever before. I am becoming a more tolerant human being and the world could definitely use a bit more tolerance. What type of footprint is my ratty flip-flop leaving behind I wonder? I am hopeful that I am leaving a positive mark behind on our trails. I want to help break down some of the negative assumptions the rest of the world has about “white” people, simply by doing what isn’t necessarily expected of me. China permeates honesty, something I have been craving for a very long time. It seemed like my life back home reeked of fancy fake frills for way too long. What you see is what you get here and there is something unbelievably fresh and true about that. The customer service is to the point and not riddled with people pretending to care or like you to make a quick buck. My fear is that the old China is disappearing. In a quest for modernization I could see all of the old history slowly crumbling away. Only in Beijing did we find the ancient image of China that we all have in our heads. What does that mean? Will China one day just become a maze of modern skyscrapers? This thought deeply saddens me. I make another wish….

F.

Professional Bluffer

My poker face. Along with my camera and sunglasses I won’t leave the hotel without these important travel essentials. Exploring this part of the world, every single day we behold images that if I was reacting truthfully would make my jaw drop to the floor and my eyeballs pop right out of my head. In the name of respect, instead I put on my poker face. There is a saying that “Cantonese will eat anything with wings, except an airplane, anything with legs, except a table.” If it has legs, wings, fins, or scales it’s sitting in a tank or cage outside the restaurant waiting to be killed at your request bringing new meaning to the word, “Fresh”. Poker face. Baskets full of dead rats, restaurants advertising dog meat for dinner, and can I just say that what everyone says about spitting in China is absolutely 100% true. Poker face. I will probably go back to being a vegetarian when we get to Montreal. It’s the easiest way for me to do something for the animals that I love so much every single day. One of my major life goals is to help the cause in a bigger way somehow. In the last three cities that we have been to in China, basically no one has spoken any English so eating vegetarian is a little difficult. We eat in the restaurants that have photos in the menus or on the walls, and point to whatever it is we think we can recognize. I repeat, WHATEVER WE THINK WE RECOGNIZE. When we order or buy a whole chicken at home we are getting ripped off and we don’t seem to care.  Around here ordering a chicken means feathers removed, chopped up and plated. Whole chicken. I’m actually quite happy when I see the head on my plate because at least then I’m sure of what it is. Pointing to things that you hope you know is not the most reliable ordering method. I just say a silent little prayer every time we sit down for a meal that Fluffy and Fido don’t end up on my plate by mistake. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I feel like my cats would never come near me again, because they WOULD KNOW. The bottom line is, China has made me feel welcome. The stares are unavoidable but the reactions feel more positive now, or maybe I’m just getting used to it. Especially in the less touristy places we’ve been to, it seems like people are thinking,” Oh my, is that a very tall, very very white person?” These moments are always followed by a big bright smile. On more occasions than I can count, complete strangers have come out of the woodwork and bailed our asses out of what could have easily turned into extremely scary situations. To these special angels who have read signs we couldn’t read, stopped us from getting on buses to god knows where and hailed cabs in areas when it was impossible for a non-local to get one, I am unbelievably grateful. Xiexie! Communicating without language has reminded me of the simple connection that exists between each and every human being in the world. No matter which part of this great earth we are from our basic needs are exactly the same. This is why we can still understand each other when we are trying to communicate even without words. A humble smile is still the most powerful tool anyone can use on any part of the planet. I wish we could come back to that idea. Simplicity, acceptance with a facial expression, connection through race. The HUMAN race. So many of the most complicated problems can be solved quite effortlessly.

F.