King & Queens

A human severed head was found in downtown Chiang Mai, Thailand today. Does anything gather a crowd quicker than random human body parts? Who was this guy and how did he end up floating like a dead fish in dirty water? All I can say is, very creepy…

Calling all middle aged men!

Be honest, when was the last time you really felt cool or sexy? How sick are you of your wife’s complaints and the fact that she only blows you on holidays? Pay very close attention to what I am about to say. Thailand is what you are looking for. In Thailand you will be king! Your photo might not be plastered all over the country like the “real” king, but your Thai woman will make you feel just like royalty. She’ll think your bald head and belly are hot, or she’ll be really good at pretending. You’ll love how traipsing around town with a much younger, attractive woman will make you feel like Robert Plant…in the 70’s. After you take her shopping, she’ll have no problem sticking it in HER mouth. A little side note of advice to go along with this picture I’m painting of what could only be every man’s paradise. Just be sure when you’re stumbling back to your hotel hammered that the person you’re dragging back with you is in fact, a woman. The queens are everywhere so proceed with caution. Nothing can ruin a hetero man’s night like a little surprise cock in his face. Oh boy, you weren’t expecting that were you?!

F.

Advertisements

“Bizarre Foods” 2, B & F Style!

So you think your stomach can handle it?  Welcome to “Bizarre Foods” Part Deux.  We have covered much ground since the last installment and have been fortunate or unfortunate enough to have our taste buds soak in some new creepy crawlies and other goodies from the road in South East Asia.  Some have been a pleasant surprise, while others…well…

Let’s dig in!!

We bought a handful of crickets from a street vendor passing through a restaurant we were eating at in Phnom Penh.  We were the only foreigners in the place and he went to every table but ours.  As he was walking out we flagged him down and he seemed genuinely stunned that we were interested. When we told him we wanted half a bag full his smile was from ear to ear.  Unfortunately after chomping down on a couple of his deep fried treats the aftertaste of wet grass began to float back up and the smile wasn’t returned. If they would have been crispier they may have been better, two was definitely enough. We also ate deep fried duck foetus at a street stall in Phnom Penh. If it wasn’t fried it may have been tough to swallow, but let’s be honest, anything battered and deep fried tastes good. We had them several times. For New Year’s Eve in Siem Reap we splurged on a dinner that seemingly was especially prepared for our “Bizarre Foods” blog. We romantically dined on ostrich, snake, kangaroo, and crocodile. Each one with its own distinct taste. Each one better than the other. Each one excellent. Highly recommended! We ate water buffalo sausage in Luang Prabang, Laos. I was excited for this one, but it all came crashing down like a giant cow paddy on a dusty road as soon as I tasted it in my mouth. I can’t describe it (or maybe I just did) but my taste buds rejected it immediately. Disgusting. We ate bamboo worms in Chiang Mai, Thailand and to be honest they had the same texture as cheese puffs but without all the salt and cheese. We ate the whole bagful. In Bangkok after a few beers we tackled the fear inducing water beetle. Two inches long and about an inch wide of sheer taste bud terror. They tore the legs off just before eating, stating that the barbs get stuck in your throat. We hesitantly ate them at the same time, they went down, but even with all of the beer we didn’t particularly like them.  We bought grasshoppers that same night about an inch long a piece. They were very crunchy, seasoned with salt and pepper. It seems when it comes to insects, the crispier the better. They were great. Last but not least, in Cambodia at a rest stop along the side of the highway F. brought two freshly fried tarantulas back onto the bus. The locals got a kick out of the fact that we were willing to give them a try as we giggled and cringed at the sight of them. We were both a little freaked out by the long legs and its bulbous body, but once we popped them into our mouths, to our surprise they were amazing. As the bus started pulling out, I had silently wished F. had bought more. Sadly we never saw them for sale anywhere else on our travels in Cambodia. Yummy.

Part three?  Stay tuned.

Bon appetit!

B.