10 things I would tell my 10 year old self

Letter Series Chapter 4:10-years

To help ring in the New Year, here are 10 important things I would tell myself at 10 years old…

    1. Be You, whatever that means. There is no need to try to be something you’re not just so people will like you. Those who truly belong in your life, always find a way to be there.
    2. Trust your instinct. Right now you’re a kid who really doesn’t know their ass from their elbow but always remember this, you are much smarter than you think. Don’t doubt yourself, I have seen what you are capable of and everything you will accomplish.
    3. Take your time getting into clothes, fashion, make-up and worrying about what you look like. There is more than enough time for all of it, you’re a child, be free!
    4. A blow job doesn’t have anything to do with a blow dryer & kissing someone is amazing! It doesn’t feel anything like when you, “practise” with the wall or your pillow.
    5. Live (somewhat) fearlessly. Fear is a very negative, crippling emotion.
    6. You are not, ”fat” or “ugly” like the bullies say. Their picking on you is only a reflection of the insecurity you spark in them. Features you hate about yourself now, will one day be part of the look everyone wants.
    7. Spend more time in nature, thinking about things that make you laugh, listening to music and dancing even when there is none.
    8. Time is nothing and the right time is now. Believe in miracles and most importantly, believe in the power of love. It’s the only thing that really matters.
    9. Love at first sight truly does exist, even if you try to deny it. Keep your eye on the hippie in Indian fisherman pants…You will be mesmerized by more than just his stylish dance moves.
    10. Life isn’t fair and you will only end up hurt if you expect it to be. You will be judged and misunderstood. People will dislike you, sometimes with merit (because everyone has the occasional bitchy moment) but most of the time for no good reason. Get over it. Being liked by everyone is boring as fuck! Again, Be You

Love, future F.

Let’s celebrate the New Year! Please take a moment to like & share…Thank you. 🙂


Toilet Envy

Crash into me. Come watch, I’m diving in head first. My feet
stomp on the unpaved road and with each step I move further and further away
from my fears and insecurities. Will I be able to handle what I find at the end
of this road? YES. The answer is yes. It might hurt, scare, shock or upset me,
but it’s good. Like a spoonful of mom’s medicine, it’s just good for you. So
you didn’t really think it would be all butterflies and rainbows did you?
(Sound of record scratching.) Indonesia has officially kicked me in the ass and
slapped me across the face. I’ve jumped in. I’m being strangled in fact by this
world I’m sometimes too intimidated to get to know. I have found out first hand
where the saying, “Full of shit” has come from. First moment of absolute bone
chilling culture shock, let me introduce you to the squat toilet. I’m not a diva;
I understand things are different in each part of the world, one of them being
the toilets. It’s just a matter of getting used to. Remembering my first
experience with what I now call lovingly, “The Squat” still makes me shudder.
Try to form an image using the words filthy, grimy, sweltering heat and then
add pitch darkness to the mix. All I’m thinking is don’t fall in and try not to
get any on yourself. I was somewhat successful. I’ve never wanted my very own
penis so much in my life! Dearest Comfort Inn from family vacations of my
childhood. How I miss you! Your cool, crisp rooms and pristinely clean white
sheets. Bathrooms you could eat off of and buckets overflowing with wonderful
ice you could actually drink. I will always remember you fondly. The refresh
button has been pressed. I am being reprogrammed like the newest 2012 cyborg
with the most gadgets. Everything that has been ingrained into my brain,
erased. All those years of watching ET! being told big boobs and tanned skin
were the “it” thing. The traditional Balinese outfits downplay curves and flatten
out women’s chests. Can you imagine? Your eye is drawn up to the woman’s face
and especially the eyes. As refreshing as a cool glass of water on a 40 degree
day. Men walking around in sarongs with flowers behind their ears, I love it!
The weirdest thing for me having been called, “Casper” since elementary school,
is that all the face creams for women are whitening creams?!  I’m not even going to go there. Who am I? I’m about the size of your hand and very squirmy. I have little beady eyes that I like to use to watch F. take a shower with. I love to torment F. by popping my little head out when she’s trying to sleep. B. describes me by saying,” It won’t hurt you” and “At least he eats the bugs!” Who am I? F.’s new arch enemy,
the GECKO.